I really don’t know how to share this other than last week I lost my best friend since fourth grade to domestic abuse. I’m not asking for sympathy as I want any and all thoughts and prayers to go to her mother and two babies. I’m not here to discuss what happened as that is not appropriate and it’s an open investigation.
What I am here to do is to continue to be her best friend and do what she’d have done for me in a heartbeat – spread awareness of the support her precious babies need.
She was the most gentle, caring, accepting, calming soul that gave her life to others. As a social worker her job was so heavy (my words, not hers), but she would lead every day with positivity, a smile on her face and love. Nothing made her light up more than her two beautiful babies, 2 and 4. I know that the last four years of her life were the best she’s ever had because of those two angels. She beamed talking about her babies and loved nothing more than being with them and seeing them grow together. Her oldest is the most gentle, caring sweet little boy and her youngest is the most precious, spunky, determined little girl.. they are both truly a mix of her. Every day I think through the daily moments and life milestones that both her and her babies were so disgustingly, selfishly robbed of. It’s all a lot to process and I haven’t even scratched the surface of grieving.
I truly can only hope to be half the mother she was. Saying she was ecstatic to be an aunt to our baby on the way is an understatement. We both couldn’t wait to raise our babies together as the cousins they are, just like we’d always talked about. And while they will be raised together, there will always be an unbearable hole in every moment experienced. One of the many, many things she was robbed of.
I envisioned this next chapter of life with her in a certain manner and I’m not ready for the uphill battle made up of daily little moments that make me think of her. I feel selfish feeling this way because, again, what her babies were robbed of is the most tragic thing here. It’s just so hard when you can’t find a single glimmer of peace to grasp onto about a loved one’s passing to help get you through.
When I wake up, my mind is still in the place of not understanding if it’s reality or a horrible dream.. so I relive the day it happened and the grieving starts all over again. The emptiness, anger and sorrow all are too much to process. I feel sick to my stomach every day with a foggy head space and wish something in the path of getting to this point would have been different. All I can do right now is channel my energy and mind into helping her mother and babies. There will be so many life expenses that come with raising these two children and her mother is doing it on her own.. as my best friends’ father passed when she was very young.
If you feel compelled, here is the GoFundMe created to help her mother and babies during this time. The organizer was like a father to her and the funds will be in the hands of her own mother raising my best friend’s children. If you can’t donate, prayers for justice or sharing the fundraiser on your own social channels are both very impactful.
For those of you that have donated, thank you so much. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of how much it means to me. My dad, husband and myself have been brought to tears in the selflessness we’ve encountered ranging from our best friend to acquaintances and strangers. While there are so many people that would do anything to change the situation, this past week has really shown me the good in people.